How to write a best man speech

A good best man speech is short, warm and about the couple, not about you. Here's a simple structure that works for almost everyone.

A simple structure

1. Introduce yourself (15 seconds). Who you are and how you know the groom. One line is enough.
2. One or two stories about him. Real moments that show who he is. Pick ones the grandparents can hear.
3. When you knew she (or he) was the one. How your friend changed after meeting their partner. This is the heart of the speech.
4. Welcome the partner. Something kind and specific about the person he married.
5. The toast. Ask everyone to stand and raise a glass, and say both names.

Length: at a calm pace most people say about 130 words a minute, so a 4-minute best man is roughly 520 words.

Tips for the day

• Print it, in big type. Bring a printout or cue cards rather than reading from your phone. Phones lock, glow and tempt you to scroll. 16 pt or larger, double spaced.
• Rehearse out loud three times. Once alone, once timed, once for one person you trust. Out loud is the only practice that counts. You'll find the sentences that trip you up.
• Slow down at the start. Nerves make everyone fast. Take a breath before your first line and say it at half the speed that feels natural.
• Pause for laughs and for feeling. When people laugh, wait until it fades before you continue. After a sincere line, let it land for a beat before the next one.
• Look at the couple, then the room. Speak the personal lines to the couple and the jokes to the room. Look up at the end of each paragraph, even if only for a second.
• Go easy on the bar first. One drink to steady you is plenty. Save the celebrating for after.
• Hold the glass, not the mic stand. Before you start, know where your glass is and who will hand you the mic. End by raising your glass and saying the couple's names clearly.
• Run it past someone who knows the couple. Check that every story is one the couple would be glad to hear in front of grandparents. When in doubt, leave it out.