How to write a retirement or birthday speech

A retirement or milestone-birthday speech should be short, specific and generous. Two or three real stories beat a list of achievements.

A simple structure

1. Say who you are. Your name and how you know them, in one line.
2. A story that shows who they are. A habit, a moment, a thing they always said or did.
3. What they've meant to people. To you, the team, the family. Be specific.
4. Look ahead. What you hope the next chapter holds for them.
5. The toast. Raise your glass and say their name.

Length: at a calm pace most people say about 130 words a minute, so a 3-minute retirement or birthday speech is roughly 390 words.

Tips for the day

• Print it, in big type. Bring a printout or cue cards rather than reading from your phone. 16 pt or larger, double spaced.
• Rehearse out loud twice. Once alone and once timed. You'll find the sentences that trip you up and where the laughs might come.
• Keep it about them. A line about who you are is enough. Every story should make them look good, or at least lovably human.
• Pause for laughs. When people laugh, wait for it to fade before you go on.
• Look at them for the sincere part. Say the heartfelt lines to the person you're honoring, not to your notes.
• End with the glass up. Know where your glass is before you start, and finish by raising it and saying their name clearly.