How to write a eulogy

There's no wrong way to remember someone. A eulogy doesn't need to cover a whole life; a few true stories about who they were will mean more to the people listening.

A simple structure

1. Introduce yourself. Your name and who they were to you.
2. Who they were. A few words that capture them, and a little of their life story if you like.
3. Two or three stories. Moments that show their character, their humor, their kindness or their habits.
4. What they gave to others. How they made people feel, what they taught you, what you'll carry with you.
5. A goodbye. A short closing line, a wish, or words they would have liked.

Length: at a calm pace most people say about 120 words a minute, so a 5-minute eulogy is roughly 600 words.

Tips for the day

• It's all right to show emotion. Nobody expects you to be composed. If your voice catches, pause, breathe, take a sip of water and carry on when you're ready. People will wait for you.
• Print it in large type. 18 pt, double spaced, with page numbers. Grief makes small print hard to read. Bring a second copy.
• Have a backup reader. Ask someone you trust to hold a copy and be ready to step in or stand beside you. Knowing they're there often means you won't need them.
• Read it aloud beforehand. Even once. You'll find the lines that are hardest to say, and you can mark a breath before each one.
• Go slowly. A gentle pace helps everyone listen. When you finish a story, pause before the next one.
• Check names and details with family. Make sure names, dates and stories are right and that close family are comfortable with what you'll share.
• Look up when you can. Glance up at the end of a paragraph, toward a friendly face. It's fine to read most of it.
• Keep water nearby. Place a glass of water and tissues at the lectern before you begin.