How to write a wedding toast

Parents, siblings and friends often get asked to say a few words. A short, sincere toast beats a long one every time.

A simple structure

1. Welcome and thanks. Especially if you're a parent or host: welcome guests and the other family.
2. Something about each of them. One specific, kind thing about each person.
3. A memory or a hope. A moment you saw them together, or what you wish for them.
4. The toast. Raise your glass and say their names.

Length: at a calm pace most people say about 130 words a minute, so a 3-minute wedding toast is roughly 390 words.

Tips for the day

• Print it, in big type. Bring a printout or cue cards rather than reading from your phone. Phones lock, glow and tempt you to scroll. 16 pt or larger, double spaced.
• Rehearse out loud three times. Once alone, once timed, once for one person you trust. Out loud is the only practice that counts. You'll find the sentences that trip you up.
• Slow down at the start. Nerves make everyone fast. Take a breath before your first line and say it at half the speed that feels natural.
• Pause for laughs and for feeling. When people laugh, wait until it fades before you continue. After a sincere line, let it land for a beat before the next one.
• Look at the couple, then the room. Speak the personal lines to the couple and the jokes to the room. Look up at the end of each paragraph, even if only for a second.
• Go easy on the bar first. One drink to steady you is plenty. Save the celebrating for after.
• Hold the glass, not the mic stand. Before you start, know where your glass is and who will hand you the mic. End by raising your glass and saying the couple's names clearly.
• Run it past someone who knows the couple. Check that every story is one the couple would be glad to hear in front of grandparents. When in doubt, leave it out.